It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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