I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
