Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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