STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
