Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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