never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my being single is dangerous.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
