It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
