Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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