Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize