I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just pee around me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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