And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize