You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
