i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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