If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Congratulations! We have a period
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