i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
