One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
