i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
