So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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