at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
