when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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