Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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