My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
