She said her name was "party"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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