Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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