we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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