Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
