I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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