i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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