My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
