Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
