Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
