I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
