I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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