I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
