sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
