Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
