If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize