Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
