To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
