I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
