This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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