I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?