shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
