You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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