There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You ate ashes out of my bong
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