who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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