I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
