it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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