I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
