So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
