I wanna bring you to show and tell
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
