Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
