I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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