I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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