so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize