just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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