Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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